At one time I had big dreams. Then, BAM, reality hit me like a heavy Crane Smashing into an old, abandoned building. Like that old, forgotten building, I was pummeled into sediment. Or at least that is how Life felt for me for a while. It would be a lie to say that I have fully recovered from that part of my life. But things are starting to look brighter again.
I went from having Big Dreams down to having pretty much no dreams at all. It is going to take some time to dig myself out of the mud. I have always been a really good student. And at one time I believed that would eventually lead me to some type of 9 to 5 (or maybe 8 to 6) work life. I was going to have a very good paying job that I loved where I worked “Business hours.” And then on evenings and weekends, I would get to be with my husband and kids. Together we (my husband and I) would run our household. Because I had a college degree I expected to find a career job that paid very well. That didn’t happen.
Life would Be Good
I always dreamed that I would enjoy my work life and my home life. And I even believed that money and having wealth was less important to me than whether or not I enjoyed my “job.” In other words, I wasn’t going to stay at a job I did not really enjoy. Not even if the pay was phenomenal. But let’s face it, money is pretty important if you want to have a good life. I actually get tired of hearing the saying “Money isn’t everything.” Of course not, but it is pretty darn hard to live with no or very little money.
So yes, now that I am slowly starting to dream again one of my 1st things I am dreaming about is earning a good income. And when I say good income, I do mean a good income. Not just enough to pay for other people to transport my kids to/and from their activities.
Big Dreams Career a No Go
After graduating from college in 2007, I had every intention of using my Bachelor’s degree to get a “good paying” job. I still had hope. My husband and I both ended up working for peanuts. I did enjoy some aspects of my job. But here I was a college graduate with a ton of student loan debt. And I was working at a “fast food” restaurant for barely above minimum wage. That was supposed to be temporary. Thankfully it was, but no matter how hard I tried I just could NOT seem to find that “dream job.” And believe me, it wasn’t for lack of trying.
Almost Gave Up
For a little while I gave up on dreaming because I actually started to believe that the life I always wanted for myself wasn’t possible. It has been 15 years since I graduated from college. And I don’t have a penny to show for it. I had come to the bitter conclusion that I am going to have to rely on my husband’s income for the rest of my life. No one will ever pay me enough to cover more than my expenses of allowing someone else to be with my kids. And it just doesn’t make sense to me to work just to pay for childcare for the little ones or for someone else to transport the older ones (who still can’t quite drive yet) to/and from their activities.
Sure, I could try to find some type of J-O-B that worked “around their school and activity schedule, but there really isn’t many of those around where I live. I would have to still be considered “part time” because I could probably only work five hours a day at most. And for some reason, everywhere I can think of to apply that might actually hire for those hours is just not the type of career life I imagined I would have.
Finding Hope Again
In the past I have been accused of being a “Pessimist.”. I would correct people by saying “No, I am a realist.” After years of giving away my time and not really getting what I deserve for it in return I had somehow allowed myself to believe that I really was that worthless to those around me. And I continued to believe the lies that told me I could “NEVER have my cake and eat it too along with a second piece.” Well, watch out world because I am now done believing those lies!
I am NOT worthless. And thankfully now I have found a new community that I genuinely believe actually wants me to succeed! My dreams are, at present, small and simple. But I am dreaming again. For now, my dreams are looking forward. And to have the time and financial freedom that took me so long to admit to myself that True Freedom is what I really crave.
Big Dreams of Having True Freedom
Time and Financial Freedom for myself and my own Family is just around the corner! With this community that God lead me to I can start to Dream again! I can achieve my dreams while helping others to achieve their dreams at the same time. The world is big enough for All of Us to Believe, Dream, and Achieve!!!
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